I don’t want to sleep. How could I? If don’t get any dreams. All I have are the nightmares that haunt me from the past life. Waking up is to return back to hell. And I drifted off between sleep and reality. And it didn’t matter anymore. It is like none of it was real. I belong somewhere else, away from the monotony and infliction of this current state of mine. I wanted to be free from my chain. But then I realized without my chains, I am still within a cage. I am a prisoner in this lifetime.
You made me want the things I never could have. And it hurts like my insides twisted inside.
And for that, I hate you.
I hate you because I love you.
I am bad at giving titles. I tend to give the wrong first impression when all I aim for is a lasting impression.
She wore the daisies on her hair like a queen on her coronation day. She flaunts her preppy dress, like she was ramp walking. She had confidence. It is seen in her eyes. Everybody wanted to be like her. Fierce and beautiful. But she knows, that all of this was part of an act. An act to cover how broken she was in the inside.
We used to frolic under the rain as kids.
But back then, life was merely a drizzle of joy.
Looking back, I turn and long.
Those days are gone.
Life is now a storm of fear and nightmares.
Hoping that I would drown myself and put an end to this misery of mine. Yet, I know this will all be in vain. I am in my own vessel of melancholy that does not seem to open up.
I am soaking wet but the pain inflicts on. The tears that run down my cheeks sting since they remind me of why am I in pain in the first place. These drops of sadness is the fruit of my mistakes and frustrations.
I carried on crying, sobbing, in fact. Maybe, just maybe, I could see things clearer the next time.
So let me cry a river of tears. And I will row my boat above it and move on from the pain. I will learn to live with it and use it to my advantage.
Pain may be coexistent to my being but that does not end there. I will be happy. I know I will. And pain will be nothing to me but a mere feeling I can rub off. Hopefully.
I understand the pain you have been through. I may not understand nor know its reason or cause, but trust me, I know pain. It is just the same thing that sets hearts to stone and the intensity has led ourselves to a certain state of numbness. We tend to tolerate physical afflictions better than others but we still feel it, nonetheless. We have acknowledged the presence of pain our lives.
Yet, our edge is that we can live with it.
Anonymous asked: I think it's sad that you don't update here anymore.
I know. I am just popping by now. I hope I can find time to write something here. I am still juggling my time with a few things:
Anonymous asked: Hi Kim, love this site. Really awesome. connected on twitter too. hope u dont mind.. oh. i followed your link from bubblews.. Ian.. Enjoy your day!
Oh . That explains why people found my blog. No problem :)
Strip away the wads of cloth that has wrapped you like a precious treasure hidden for keepsake. It is time for you to be unravelled. This ought to be the moment that you unbare the beauty in you. Since there is nothing more beautiful than the real you.
Was it really meant to be this way?
Was I really meant to destroy? The destruction I have caused did not only demolish the people and things I love, it has also hindered me from my happiness. I am such a disgrace. When will I ever come to see the day that I have done something worth your appreciation.
I am seeing my days going down the drain. Are these things worth doing? Are my principles worth living? I am imagining… foreshadowing. But I’ll never be sure of what lays ahead of my path.